Equestrian Advice – Go for the #7

The importance of having a committed significant-other/spousal-partner become of paramount importance only after a recent fall from a ‘high horse’ and woke with a terrible ‘Foxhunting Hunt Hangover’.

A “Hunt Hangover” – when you wake up in the morning with a pounding headache, unable to move with backpain, a swollen ankle and you don’t remember where you left your horse the day before.

When I was a young rider, I remember sitting with an instructor to learn the proper way to fall from a horse.  I was told to grab mane, grip hard, pull the horse’s head up, kick-on, pray a little, swear a little and know the point just before you lose physical control and are thrown.  It’s always best to jump off just before the point where you realize your mount is too ornery to stay astride.  As your life flashes before you in the moment of chaos, there will be a sudden pause and your mind naturally informs you that it is time to jump off, break free of the saddle, and aim for a soft landing.

I have fallen from so many horses that I feel I am actually better at falling off a horse than staying on one.

Learning how to fall-off is a lesson that equestrians should also apply to life’s most challenging scenarios.  My attraction to high profile men has definitely led to some hard falls from high places.  In my years of crash & burn dating, I have found that dating is a mere marketing equation combined with the theory from the television show the “Price is Right” where you don’t want to estimate too high and find the price you estimated is actually over the true price.   In those instances, the contestant loses it all.

So let me explain my theory which works for me – or at least explains why I am not married.

We are all given a numeric score at adolescence based on our self-assessed physical attraction.   We all strive to be a perfect ten; with long legs, small waist and voluptuous breasts.  We compare ourselves to celebrities to factor the equation and find most of us (regardless of our appearance) award ourselves a score between 6 and 8.  The goal then for dating is to attract equal or greater scored candidates.

While physical attraction is the baseline for the score, the score is then modified based on intrinsic behaviors and personal preference of the candidate.  For example, a woman may score an 8 based on physical appearance, then subtract 2 points for crazy, add 1 point for her financial status and subtract 2 for over excessive alcohol consumption.  However, if the potential candidate is equally excessive in alcohol consumption, yet a financial train wreck then the 2 points lost for excessive alcohol consumption cancel out and the points for financial status are tripled.  Does that make sense?  Probably not – which is explains why there is a status on Facebook for “Its Complicated” because dating is very complicated.

It may help to clear the confusion to review my scoring mechanism.  I feel I am a solid 8.  I am 5’9, 125lbs, a little slight in the breast which is remedied by the false advertising provided by a padded bra.  My teeth are white, straight, and I have all of them (or at least caps on the teeth that were knocked out by deer antlers when I was 12 – another crazy story that we don’t have time for…).    I don’t lose any points for bad behavior.  For the most part when sufficiently caffeinated, I am pleasant, low maintenance and non-volatile (which is a nicer way to say I am not “bitchy and crabby”).  Add one point for my financial stability, being employed in a respectable profession and well educated.  Finally, subtract 2 for the previous edition of my book “Dogs Donkeys and Circus Performers” because that provides written evidence of craziness that most don’t appreciate.  SO there is my score, a solid 7.

My superficial-self seems to only find chemistry with men that score an 8 or 9 on the physical score.  Then like so many others, I disregard everything else, ignore all warning signs and jump right into a rocky, but committed relationship which clearly is why most of mine fail.  Embarrassingly enough, I seem to have a pattern of a new car and a new man every 2 years.  Whatever, I am good at somethings, not so good in others.  Relationships are one of those others.

If I were truly interested in solving my relationship status of “single” I would consider lowering my filter and considering those who are equal or slightly less than my self-reported score of 7.

It’s easy to find someone to take your pants off, it’s hard to find someone to help you put them on and muck your stalls while you are injured in bed.

The real problem is when you date 8, 9, and 10s the competition is fierce and you are easily replaced.  The 8, 9, and 10s are people who are so confident they strike up conversations with other attractive types.  They are the online profiles that everyone clicks or for Tinder, the “Swipe-Left”.   These high-scorers know that if your relationship with them doesn’t suit their specific needs at any particular moment, it is only $29 a month for a Match.com subscription and two weeks away from a new relationship.  Tinder is free.

A solid 7 doesn’t get the same action.   They see an attractive person in line at Starbucks and are paralyzed by the thought of a conversation.  They go on more bad dates, are more humble and as a result are far more likely to stay committed in a relationship.  A solid 7 understands that people are not replaceable; and the grass is not greener on the other side.  They know green grass only grows when nurtured with proper lawn care.  The bad news is a solid 7 may have a few extra pounds, obvious signs of aging, but their heart is good, loyal and respectful.

The truth of it all is that there is always someone out there that is better for you and there is always someone out there that is a better catch for your partner.   I have a friend who spent over $1 million dollars on a boat.  He was elated to have the big luxury boat docked in the Boston Harbor, but when he took that the boat to Bermuda he suddenly was not the biggest boat in the harbor.   A crushing blow for an ego-driven narcissist.    The lesson here is that there is always a bigger, more luxurious boat in a new harbor waiting for you (or your partner) somewhere. And in today’s digital age of social networks, connecting to a better option is just too easy for those who are considering options.  So it’s best to look for a man or woman that can enjoy the cocktails and sunset on your own boat.

Remember bigger boats come with bigger problems.