Falling off a High Horse.

I fell off my “High Horse” years ago, and have had my ego crushed so many times that it is non-repairable.  The higher the horse, the harder the fall.  Unless it’s an ornery pony. They have the ability to launch a rider with the projectile of a ballistic missile without warning their little head drops, the dash board disappears, and the next thing you know you are airbound.  Regardless of size, there is nothing more damaging to one’s ego, and more humbling than a hard fall from a ‘High Horse.’

We were all born with equal and healthy egos. However, some grow to protect their ego so fiercely that it’s stifling.  They are unable to endure the damage failure causes to a delicate ego, so they don’t take risks.  Their interactions with people are superficial as their ego is the ever-present moderator in conversations.  They live in a material world that is defined by what they drive, where they live and who they are better than.  Their “High Horse” is a lofty steed, not a horse they rescued from slaughter.

Sadly, my ego was once healthy.  My pony Tinkerbelle was the first blemish I remember.  I was 8 years old when I won the Pet Pony Championship for Massachusetts.  My ego exploded with praise for my awesomeness.  I sat proudly in my tweed coat with pigtails, as the judge handed me the oversized trophy and ribbon.  Tinker took one look at that ribbon and spun toward the exit.   My ego was so wrapped up in the trophy that I held it tightly with both hands, never releasing my grasp to reach for the reins to gain control of the pony.  The crowd gasped as Tinker took a sharp left to avoid a gigantic mud puddle.  Unfortunately I continued straight, landing flat in the puddle still clutching the trophy.  I emerged soaked in mud and clutching a broken trophy.  At that moment, I learned success is not permanent.  Since the Internet, social media and cell phone cameras hadn’t been invented, I did not learn that failure is permanent.  That lesson would come much later.

As an equestrian, I never say I am a good rider or an expert.  Horses have proven me wrong too many times.  I have been throw from the saddle, crashed & burned, and publically humiliated enough times by my own horses that it’s much safer to say I am an expert at falling off. I assume that the people with big egos who prance around on their “High Horse” just haven’t fallen off enough.

When I was a child, if you fell of your pony, you had to get back on.  The only way to get a waiver on the get-back-on policy was to demonstrate injuries substantial enough to require a visit to the emergency room.  In that case, you were given a brief ‘stay of execution’.  I remember coming home from the emergency room with my leg in a cast to my mother standing in the driveway with my pony saddled.  I got out of the car and right back on the ornery pony.  Horse people are unique in so many way – their willingness to get back on is both a blessing and a curse.  I have gotten right back on a horse only to get thrown right back-off again.

Einstein defines insanity as a person doing the same thing over and over and expects different results.  He obviously was not an equestrian and had not calculated the fact that some horses actually get tired and stop trying to throw you off.  Bucking like a bronco, pitching your rider, then galloping around the farm gets tiring after the fourth or fifth time.

Between riding naughty ponies and unruly horses, my attraction to big-egoed men, and surviving the rigor of a Ph.D, it is fairly safe to say that my ego is gone forever.  Life has taught me a lesson to be humble.

Being humble means I don’t maintain a baseline so essentially no job is below me, nor is any person is above or beneath me.  I will ride an ugly horse, drive an old beater car, take risks, make mistakes, and accept being criticised/ridiculed by others.  I have nothing to prove to anyone and am all done trying to win & influence people.  That is unless I can win & influence them to help horses, humans or any animal – then its Game-On.

Read my whole book “Dogs, Donkeys and Circus Performers” – All revenue from book sales go toward the Equine Rescue Network.